These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
