im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
