His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
