he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
