omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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