We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
