I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
