you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
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i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.