so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
