Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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