i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Randomize
