I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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