The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
