I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
