he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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