how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
