I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
