also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
