haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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