What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's never too late to be topless.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
