This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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