I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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