well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
