I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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