and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
