Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
