he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
