walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
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official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
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I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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