Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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