the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
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