did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize