i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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