its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
