i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
