we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think I died a long time ago.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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