its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I am midnight drunk by noon
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
