Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize