How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
