20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
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My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
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he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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