hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
