did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
