im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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