So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
