Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
