i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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