lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
