Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
