nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
