If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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