Will you blow on my dice?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
