I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
