just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
