just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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