you would pick up someone in the library
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
