it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
