it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
