you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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