she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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