I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
