If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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