honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
