o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
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He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
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Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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