Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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