you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
