dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
