Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
