but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
