i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
