He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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