sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
