you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
