If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
